Transformed ...

Transformed...by the life of a former drug addict.

I have been so excited to share this. It's been just under a year since I've blogged, but it feels like a lifetime.

It literally feels that I am living a NEW LIFE.

I feel as though I am a different person. In the same body, with the same God, but like I am living with new eyes where I can see His love increasing every day. I have a life where I can see!

 

A life of freedom. FREEDOM!

That's it. As I wrote that. That was it. That is the revelation of what has been happening for the last 9 months. And it feels unbelievable. I was blind, but NOW I SEE!

So, here's more of the story. I feel compelled to share it, because it's for someone. Even more so, its about Him. This is a testimony of what He HAS done, IS doing and WILL continue to do.

Its a little big word TESTIMONY, means 'evidence.'

Here is the Evidence of what I've seen: I was a white-washed tomb.

...and I pray that the sharing of YOUR faith may become effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is IN US for the sake of Christ. (Philemon 6) -- that idea of sharing your faith is being a witness.

Freedom from myself and because of that freedom from everyone else.

After watching a message on Youtube by this guy in October of 2015, a revelation fell on me that I have been trying to grasp my entire life as a Christian.



For 20 years, I've been living like a Pharisee. Caring what I looked like to everyone else on the outside. So afraid of rejection. I've been trying to get it right so everyone else would accept me.

I didn't mean to and I definitely didn't start out that way, but something happened trying to fit into a religious culture. A mold. Instead of just following Jesus. I was on fire. Then something  changed. It was subtle and looked simple. But it was demonic.

I thought, if I just did it all right, pleased all the people God put in front of me, then I would satisfy my position here on earth. Surely that would bring the peace and the righteousness in the world, that everyone, especially me, was longing for...

But instead of being a instrument of righteousness, I fell into this trap of striving. Not striving with the Holy Spirit, but for Him. I felt like I could never do anything right, I was full of condemnation, guilt and shame.

Surest way to have a breakdown is try to do it all yourself. Its exhausting. Especially when you're a "missionary" and you think all of your support depends on how many people like you. Woah! Yep, that's twisted.

But what its really all about is Him. That He has already completely accepted me in the Beloved. 

Even before I (thought I) "deserved" it: He gave it all.

All the stuff Jesus gave His life for. He died to give me, give us, our original identity. How does He see us that believe?  As though we never ate from the tree.

Please watch this message by Todd White, it changed my life and I pray it changes yours.