My uncle asked me a really good question last night:
What am I learning about myself to show how God is fashioning me into the image of His Son (Romans 8:29)?
My answer is simple to such a huge question. After trying to answer the question several times last night, with long stories about the victories that God has given me this year in my 1 year sabbatical with the amazing adventures He has taken me on, the incredible people He has put in my life, and the unbelievable opportunities He has provided me with, yet each time my debrief replies seemed to disappoint him. Then my uncle told me, after about 20 minutes of talking, I still hadn’t answered the question.
I think he was looking for an answer I hadn't been able to answer because I needed to listen to him first. So I came upstairs, sat in the stillness of the night, made final preparations for my flight to return to Thailand today... but still had nothing solid to write down.
This morning I awoke, to the sound of His voice, somewhere in the middle of 4am, as I have become accustomed to since I told God 3 years ago, when this deep hunger for His presence began, that I would get up wherever He wanted to talk. He began to unravel the answer the answer to my uncle’s sincere question:
That the best answer to such a powerful question, to honor God and to honor my uncle that this year what God has taught me most about me is that I was made for Jesus.
God's heart for me is to listen to Him, and obey. This year I am learning that the only thing that satisfies me is His voice. And everything else leaves me crying out for that intimacy.
My experiences have been amazing. Since being in the US beginning in March of last year, after 7 years in Thailand and a total of 13 years since I first went overseas, I have made some amazing discoveries about food, the world and people.
I have discovered that the food I most enjoy,
the sights I most love seeing, and
the people I most love being around
center around only
One thing:
Jesus.
Yet all those amazing experiences, breathtaking opportunities and seemingly satisfying relationships have all left me wanting the One thing that satisfies the deepest cries of my heart and the deepest hungers of my soul:
Jesus is the Bread of life that I most enjoy eating,
its His face that I most enjoy seeing and
the people hungry for His presence are the ones that will most understand my reply.
I need God more than I need anything else. And once I realize I have Him, all I want is more...
I have realized this year, my favorite moments in my life, are with no one else around, with all the widows drawn closed, with all the music turned off, with only the stillness of my heartbeat aligned with His, in the depth of my secret place, warm on my knees, quietly crying out for that face-to-face encounter then the waiting… those moments of anticipation, those moments of wonder, those hours, minutes, or sometimes only seconds, of complete stillness where the One and Only Thing that will satisfy me comes.
Sometimes its like a rocket train, that hits and collides into my world, that’s been so focused on me, that He had to come crashing in to save me from myself.
Other times His presence enters in as the gentle reminder that He has been there all along, waiting, waiting for me to turn my face to Him.
But what I’ve discovered most this year is that its never been a lack of Him showing up, but rather almost always a lack of me getting my thoughts off myself and turning my face to His.
That’s when it happens… He comes.
*Returning to USA this year, I withdrew to a cabin on an island that the Lord showed me 3 months previous. Before I even knew the owners or that it existed, I drew it by the Spirit — I spent the first 2 months fasting and praying of my sabbatical year. The Lord brought me an amazing family there, a church community and I began re-entry to American culture.
*My sabbatical year, since March 2017 has looked like some amazing times of blessing, refreshing and renewal, getting to go back to Nashville, TN to my old company and see the ministry that God is now able to do there.
*Then on an amazing trip to Israel with Christ for All Nations, the Lord allowed me to be side by side with evangelists who have incredible anointings: Daniel Kolenda & his family, Todd White & his family, meeting Eric Gilmour, Brian Guerrin, Michael Dow & his wife, Jenny Kutz and incredible people in the Kingdom of God.
*In July, the Lord paid for a trip to fly to MTI for missionary debrief and renewal in Colorado Springs, then provided housing for me in a miraculous way when it was over.
*I had some deepening time with my spiritual family, the Schlender’s in Bozeman, Montana, and then back in the Tri-Cities. The Lord gave me precious with with my brother and sister and my new niece, Sylvia, who I had never seen in person until this year, now she will be 3 this year.
*Then August the Power & Love School in Portland, OR gave me incredible answers to prayer, for the gifts of the Spirit. I saw the Lord heal a man in line who hadn’t walked in 6 years, then saw hundreds of people in 3 1/2 days, plus words of knowledge, prophecy and all the other spiritual gifts from 1 Corinthians 12 happened, yet while not compromising the FRUIT of the Spirit in Galatians 5 — love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control!
*In September, I applied for a powerful Iris Leadership school and got in, even with a late registration, but the Lord did not give peace to my leaders to bless me, so I did not attend the 3 week intense course, but instead I sought Jesus in the secret place daily for 8-10 hours a day, got tied in with my team at Ascend and read most of the books for the course.
*The icing on the cake was in September the Lord brought three amazing people in unity of the Spirit to the Jesus ’17 in Orlando, Florida. Seeing taxi drivers, peoples on planes and awaiting passengers in the airports healed, giving words of knowledge from God and giving their lives to Jesus!
*While I was substitute teaching in October, November, December, January I saw God do amazing things at the schools, too. Heal teachers ankles, students jaws and teeth, stomach pain, remove pain after knee surgery, and after a basketball injury. He showed me His incredible love in the schools and how He is already moving there and how its coming from the boldness of love of the students for each other, too!
*In November, before a trip to a Thai church in Seattle called New Hope, I was waiting outside my aunt & uncle’s house taking in the fall sun with my bag packed for the 1-day trip. I heard the Lord asked me, “Would you go with just this?” “To Portland?” I asked Him, knowing He was referring to the burden He gave me for returning there for a time to work with homeless that I had met there during Power & Love, “With just my bag and the sun.” “Yes,” He said lovingly. If He was asking, I trusted Him. “Yes, I will.” So that was settled. Now just to know when. Surely He wouldn’t ask me to go during Christmas and New Years, right? I knew I had to pay all of my bills off, still about $3,500, and I thought that would take a couple of months. But nope. God does miracles. December 1st they were completely paid, but with no extra and 2 days before Christmas I went to Portland with a round-trip train ticket for Jan 3rd, $20 in my pocket and no place to stay.
*This story is so incredible, I could write a story alone about it. But the heart is God brought 8 people to Jesus, 6 on Christmas day downtown! Had 3 homeless men off the streets and ready to go into detox and touched hundreds of lives. The Lord provided $300 for me personally in those 12 days, mostly from people I had just met, who wanted to be a part of what God was doing on the streets. I was able to buy supplies, help others and even got a place to stay for free when I told a friend I had met at Power & Love, who was out of town why I was there.
*I will add another few points here with what happened at the end of January 2018 when I went to Bethel Church in Redding, California, then at the Taste of Thailand III in Richland, WA, and what just happened this weekend in Orlando, Florida when I went to the volunteer meeting for Crave at Christ for All Nations, stay tuned…
There is so much more that He is doing My intimacy with Jesus is now a daily discovery of what Holy Spirit wants to share with me each day, deep time hearing from the Father and know Him through His Word.
I am so honored to have the opportunity to share my story with you. I pray that as you have been moved by what God has done in my life, you can trust that is Holy Spirit speaking to you how much more He wants to move in yours!
You are His.
Give Him what you were never made to be anyway. We weren’t made to be selfish and self-righteous and having to defend ourselves and be right — we were made for Him.
Ask forgiveness for agreeing with the
condemnation,
guilt,
shame,
fear
and ask forgiveness for every person you were
offended by,
bitter to,
hurt by
and say, “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."
Then bless them, "They didn’t know who they were, show them who they are in You, Jesus! Bless their health, finances and their relationships!"
Now go back to where you regret making a bad decision, see God there, wait… hear His voice speaking to you — He says He will never leave or stop loving you.
After you hear what He asked you to do that you didn’t ask our Dad’s forgiveness for not obeying Him…
Now for what you have given Him there is an exchange, for what He wants to give you. Receive.
Receive His forgiveness. That’s it…[insert tears here]
JUST RECEIVE ... His love is being poured out through His Holy Spirit.
Now, last thought, we don’t need to go to a higher court to try to forgive ourselves.
He paid the price -- the cross was Supreme court. We are forgiven.
He who knew no sin, became sin, so we would
become the righteousness of God.
Jesus became what we were, so
we could become who He is.
Receive His forgiveness.
He says, “It is finished.”
Just receive… ask Holy Spirit to come and take the place of all the lies you believed, ask someone to lay hands on you and agree with you and the Holy Spirit will give you a new language to talk to Him as the Spirit give us utterance.
What am I learning about myself to show how God is fashioning me into the image of His Son (Romans 8:29)?
My answer is simple to such a huge question. After trying to answer the question several times last night, with long stories about the victories that God has given me this year in my 1 year sabbatical with the amazing adventures He has taken me on, the incredible people He has put in my life, and the unbelievable opportunities He has provided me with, yet each time my debrief replies seemed to disappoint him. Then my uncle told me, after about 20 minutes of talking, I still hadn’t answered the question.
I think he was looking for an answer I hadn't been able to answer because I needed to listen to him first. So I came upstairs, sat in the stillness of the night, made final preparations for my flight to return to Thailand today... but still had nothing solid to write down.
This morning I awoke, to the sound of His voice, somewhere in the middle of 4am, as I have become accustomed to since I told God 3 years ago, when this deep hunger for His presence began, that I would get up wherever He wanted to talk. He began to unravel the answer the answer to my uncle’s sincere question:
That the best answer to such a powerful question, to honor God and to honor my uncle that this year what God has taught me most about me is that I was made for Jesus.
God's heart for me is to listen to Him, and obey. This year I am learning that the only thing that satisfies me is His voice. And everything else leaves me crying out for that intimacy.
My experiences have been amazing. Since being in the US beginning in March of last year, after 7 years in Thailand and a total of 13 years since I first went overseas, I have made some amazing discoveries about food, the world and people.
I have discovered that the food I most enjoy,
the sights I most love seeing, and
the people I most love being around
center around only
One thing:
Jesus.
Yet all those amazing experiences, breathtaking opportunities and seemingly satisfying relationships have all left me wanting the One thing that satisfies the deepest cries of my heart and the deepest hungers of my soul:
Jesus is the Bread of life that I most enjoy eating,
its His face that I most enjoy seeing and
the people hungry for His presence are the ones that will most understand my reply.
I need God more than I need anything else. And once I realize I have Him, all I want is more...
I have realized this year, my favorite moments in my life, are with no one else around, with all the widows drawn closed, with all the music turned off, with only the stillness of my heartbeat aligned with His, in the depth of my secret place, warm on my knees, quietly crying out for that face-to-face encounter then the waiting… those moments of anticipation, those moments of wonder, those hours, minutes, or sometimes only seconds, of complete stillness where the One and Only Thing that will satisfy me comes.
Sometimes its like a rocket train, that hits and collides into my world, that’s been so focused on me, that He had to come crashing in to save me from myself.
Other times His presence enters in as the gentle reminder that He has been there all along, waiting, waiting for me to turn my face to Him.
But what I’ve discovered most this year is that its never been a lack of Him showing up, but rather almost always a lack of me getting my thoughts off myself and turning my face to His.
That’s when it happens… He comes.
*Returning to USA this year, I withdrew to a cabin on an island that the Lord showed me 3 months previous. Before I even knew the owners or that it existed, I drew it by the Spirit — I spent the first 2 months fasting and praying of my sabbatical year. The Lord brought me an amazing family there, a church community and I began re-entry to American culture.
*My sabbatical year, since March 2017 has looked like some amazing times of blessing, refreshing and renewal, getting to go back to Nashville, TN to my old company and see the ministry that God is now able to do there.
*Then on an amazing trip to Israel with Christ for All Nations, the Lord allowed me to be side by side with evangelists who have incredible anointings: Daniel Kolenda & his family, Todd White & his family, meeting Eric Gilmour, Brian Guerrin, Michael Dow & his wife, Jenny Kutz and incredible people in the Kingdom of God.
*In July, the Lord paid for a trip to fly to MTI for missionary debrief and renewal in Colorado Springs, then provided housing for me in a miraculous way when it was over.
*I had some deepening time with my spiritual family, the Schlender’s in Bozeman, Montana, and then back in the Tri-Cities. The Lord gave me precious with with my brother and sister and my new niece, Sylvia, who I had never seen in person until this year, now she will be 3 this year.
*Then August the Power & Love School in Portland, OR gave me incredible answers to prayer, for the gifts of the Spirit. I saw the Lord heal a man in line who hadn’t walked in 6 years, then saw hundreds of people in 3 1/2 days, plus words of knowledge, prophecy and all the other spiritual gifts from 1 Corinthians 12 happened, yet while not compromising the FRUIT of the Spirit in Galatians 5 — love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control!
*In September, I applied for a powerful Iris Leadership school and got in, even with a late registration, but the Lord did not give peace to my leaders to bless me, so I did not attend the 3 week intense course, but instead I sought Jesus in the secret place daily for 8-10 hours a day, got tied in with my team at Ascend and read most of the books for the course.
*The icing on the cake was in September the Lord brought three amazing people in unity of the Spirit to the Jesus ’17 in Orlando, Florida. Seeing taxi drivers, peoples on planes and awaiting passengers in the airports healed, giving words of knowledge from God and giving their lives to Jesus!
*While I was substitute teaching in October, November, December, January I saw God do amazing things at the schools, too. Heal teachers ankles, students jaws and teeth, stomach pain, remove pain after knee surgery, and after a basketball injury. He showed me His incredible love in the schools and how He is already moving there and how its coming from the boldness of love of the students for each other, too!
*In November, before a trip to a Thai church in Seattle called New Hope, I was waiting outside my aunt & uncle’s house taking in the fall sun with my bag packed for the 1-day trip. I heard the Lord asked me, “Would you go with just this?” “To Portland?” I asked Him, knowing He was referring to the burden He gave me for returning there for a time to work with homeless that I had met there during Power & Love, “With just my bag and the sun.” “Yes,” He said lovingly. If He was asking, I trusted Him. “Yes, I will.” So that was settled. Now just to know when. Surely He wouldn’t ask me to go during Christmas and New Years, right? I knew I had to pay all of my bills off, still about $3,500, and I thought that would take a couple of months. But nope. God does miracles. December 1st they were completely paid, but with no extra and 2 days before Christmas I went to Portland with a round-trip train ticket for Jan 3rd, $20 in my pocket and no place to stay.
*This story is so incredible, I could write a story alone about it. But the heart is God brought 8 people to Jesus, 6 on Christmas day downtown! Had 3 homeless men off the streets and ready to go into detox and touched hundreds of lives. The Lord provided $300 for me personally in those 12 days, mostly from people I had just met, who wanted to be a part of what God was doing on the streets. I was able to buy supplies, help others and even got a place to stay for free when I told a friend I had met at Power & Love, who was out of town why I was there.
*I will add another few points here with what happened at the end of January 2018 when I went to Bethel Church in Redding, California, then at the Taste of Thailand III in Richland, WA, and what just happened this weekend in Orlando, Florida when I went to the volunteer meeting for Crave at Christ for All Nations, stay tuned…
There is so much more that He is doing My intimacy with Jesus is now a daily discovery of what Holy Spirit wants to share with me each day, deep time hearing from the Father and know Him through His Word.
I am so honored to have the opportunity to share my story with you. I pray that as you have been moved by what God has done in my life, you can trust that is Holy Spirit speaking to you how much more He wants to move in yours!
You are His.
Give Him what you were never made to be anyway. We weren’t made to be selfish and self-righteous and having to defend ourselves and be right — we were made for Him.
Ask forgiveness for agreeing with the
condemnation,
guilt,
shame,
fear
and ask forgiveness for every person you were
offended by,
bitter to,
hurt by
and say, “Forgive them Father, they know not what they do."
Then bless them, "They didn’t know who they were, show them who they are in You, Jesus! Bless their health, finances and their relationships!"
Now go back to where you regret making a bad decision, see God there, wait… hear His voice speaking to you — He says He will never leave or stop loving you.
After you hear what He asked you to do that you didn’t ask our Dad’s forgiveness for not obeying Him…
Now for what you have given Him there is an exchange, for what He wants to give you. Receive.
Receive His forgiveness. That’s it…[insert tears here]
JUST RECEIVE ... His love is being poured out through His Holy Spirit.
Now, last thought, we don’t need to go to a higher court to try to forgive ourselves.
He paid the price -- the cross was Supreme court. We are forgiven.
He who knew no sin, became sin, so we would
become the righteousness of God.
Jesus became what we were, so
we could become who He is.
Receive His forgiveness.
He says, “It is finished.”
Just receive… ask Holy Spirit to come and take the place of all the lies you believed, ask someone to lay hands on you and agree with you and the Holy Spirit will give you a new language to talk to Him as the Spirit give us utterance.
Jesus didn’t just die so we would get into heaven, but so heaven would get into us.
His Kingdom Come on Earth as it is in Heaven...
WE WERE MADE FOR GOD TO ENJOY US, HE SENT JESUS SO WE COULD ENJOY HIM!
WE WERE MADE FOR GOD TO ENJOY US, HE SENT JESUS SO WE COULD ENJOY HIM!
Wow! Such a cool transition from narrative to exhortation. Thanks. More Jesus!
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